And then sometimes, after I’m done waiting, I get something back that’s so exactly right that I’m not sure anymore how I could have expected anything else.

That’s what it was like working with Milli of Lemon Kiss, on the last illustration in the Elves series.

She finished this on New Year’s Eve, about the same time that Andy finished his, and I’ve thought about it but don’t know what else to say. Isn’t it nice when things just… work?

Finding artists is only a little bit easier. I have a little bit of a love-hate relationship with handing a story to an artist for illustration. On the one hand, I like to give them a lot of creative liberty, just for the chance to see my work through someone else’s eyes, but I can’t help sometimes but feel a little anxiety, wondering if it will come through just right.

I got very lucky with my friend Andrew Skelton (“Andy the Octopus“, as he’s dubbed himself). He’s been a good friend of mine for over a decade now, and I bounced quite a few drafts off of him, tuning as I went, so it was only natural that I offered him one version to illustrate.

He’s done a great job of setting the scene…

I cut back my volunteer hours a bit this year, had a wonderful time with most of the friends I went to visit (inexplicably, I missed Barlee), got my copy of Crimson Spell autographed by Yamane Ayano, and put my sleep schedule off-kilter by staying out until 4 AM to dance with a tall, pretty redhead (this is, I admit, one of the best reasons I can imagine to mess up my sleep schedule). I even managed to find my friend Sparky, who has not been able to make a con since 2004, so I don’t think I left any boxes unchecked. Sadly, Café Verführen did not go on this year, though the crew did manage to host a panel, and I will attempt to keep up my tradition of reviewing damn near anything they do.

It was good fun.

I almost didn’t get the autograph; spaces in the line were handed out by drawing, 100 to each of two sessions, and my ticket wasn’t pulled. A friend of mine missed the first session, though, and couldn’t make the second, so she sold me her place in line. I was happy to have it, of course, but a little bit sorry that she couldn’t get to meet her herself. While the ticket system really limited the number of people who could visit the con’s guests, it also allowed each of us to have a few words with them. Back in 2008, I met Nase Yamato, but the line kept me from saying more than a simple thank-you and offering the small gift of coffee I’d brought. That seems better than not meeting anyone at all, but not so good as being able to express myself properly and have a short conversation, as I got to do this year. It’s always impressive to meet creators who can visit hundreds of their fans at once and still be genuinely happy to meet each one of them.

On the complete other side of things, I’m not sure I have hundreds of readers, really. It is an alien idea for me, and I think I enjoy that. I had coffee with Rem over a few hours, and I think that was exactly the right way to get my con rolling. Recognition would be nice, but I like being able to make friends with my readers, to believe that I’m just making pretty bits and baubles for their entertainment. All of my regular readers could probably fit around one dinner table if the opportunity presented itself, and I’m not sure whether that gives me any ideas or not.

Returning from that digression…

YaoiCon was very good to me this year. After the past five months or so (since the week after Fanime, really), life has been complicated, and I think it was exactly what I needed.

You should expect to hear more from me soon.

Sorry for being so scarce.

I just felt that this was important enough to share.

I find it hard to explain how much of a loss this is, partly because it’s so hard to explain him as a director. He was one of the few anime directors who can make me sit back and digest his work for a few minutes after seeing it. He had an amazing sense of unity, of visual and narrative composure.

Try Magnetic Rose, for example, part of the Memories collection (someone has also uploaded it on youtube for your sampling pleasure). It’s only about forty minutes long, but he wrung out every second of it, and he left me feeling harder-hit, emotionally, than most directors can after entire two-hour movies. He was a consummate craftsman, always trying to push the bounds of his medium and of his own abilities. Even as he lay dying in a hospital bed, he couldn’t escape that instinct.

While my wife was running around getting things in place for my escape, I was pleading with doctors “If I can go home for even half a day, there are things I can still do!”, then waiting alone in the depressing hospital room for death. I was lonely, but this was what I was thinking.

“Maybe dying won’t be so bad.”

I didn’t have any reasons for it, and perhaps I needed to think like that, but I was surprisingly calm and relaxed.

However, there was just one thought that was gnawing away at me.

“I don’t want to die here…”

As I thought that, something moved out from the calendar on the wall and started to spread around the room.

“Oh dear, a line marching out from the calendar. My hallucinations aren’t at all original.”

Like so much else that he produced, I think that one moment says everything that it needed to say.

Originally I wanted to show you all how to make a nice dinner, but… it has not gone as planned. A wonderful artist named Barlee drew a picture of the ensuing chaos.

Kir-tat gave me a link to Elves from her DeviantArt page, and I think I got about as much traffic from her than I’ve gotten in the entire lifetime of the site so far. For one evening it was the #6 most popular “recent upload” on DeviantArt. I’m really, really proud of that. The credit for the sheer prettiness of her art is hers alone, of course, but I’m happy to have been a catalyst for it, in my own small way.

My favorite comment from her page, by Cielle Du Ciel:

I had I hard time telling if they were male or female, too… I’m wondering if their adrogyny was intentional, so as to represent the story and its four versions. Whether or not it was, that’s how I understand this piece, and I love it. It combines perfectly all the different versions of the story, I think, a beautiful and perfect way to get its message across. I could comment on everything, but, I think reading the story speaks for itself.

On that note, I have to laugh a little bit with those who are so preoccupied with the idea of it being “yaoi”. Read the other versions, guys, the one *kir-tat happened to link isn’t the only one.

(Only about one in 20 people read all four versions, sadly.)

Of course, this is the Internet, and the very next comment (which has been blocked, and the author lost to the sands of time) reads:

i love the detail great pic but are they lesbians

*HEADDESK* They are if you want them to be, sir. They are if you want them to be. That was the point, if you will.

Besides this, I’m still a little worn-out from the post-creative afterglow that is finishing First and Last and Always. I promise that this is a temporary thing; Fanime starts in six days and counting, and cons never fails to give me a kickstart, just from the sheer wonderful fannish energy I pick up. So far I’m planning to hang out around Rem‘s table in the Artist Alley for a while, and I have a few other offline friends to see, but that’s about it so far. If anyone would like to meet me there, please let me know! I love meeting new people at conventions (except for this guy), and it always blows my mind a little bit that people are actually reading this site.

A friend of mine linked me to a little bit of pre-Fanime hilarity, which… really has to be seen to be believed. Enjoy!

At the moment, I plan to commission a different artist for each version of Elves, but I’m not sure. Either way I’m sure I’ll have Ten-chan return in the future. What do you think?

It’s very fashionable right now to donate money to Haiti, but please be careful where you donate; anywhere money flows, there will be unethical people trying to take a cut, and even legitimate organizations can be astoundingly poorly managed. Charity Navigator seems to be a good place to check things out first; they don’t have the resources to check every charity, but they rate most of the big players. Personally, my Haiti-bound donation went to Doctors Without Borders.

On a lighter note, I’ve been spending a lot of time wandering RedBubble lately. My friend Caitlin introduced me to it back in August, when I bought a print of her “Tokyo” project, and I keep coming back, usually just to explore. They have a great talent pool, and their print quality is fantastic if you feel the urge to buy something. One of my favorite recent finds is JenniferB. Really, I think the best way for me to introduce her is to shut up and let two of her poems speak for themselves:

1. I Want To Fuck You With Words
2. To be continued…

Some of her writing is a bit morbidly uncomfortable, but I think it’s still worth reading.

In site-related news, I’ve commissioned Ten-Chan to illustrate one of the Elves stories I finished back at the end of 2008. She says she should be finished soon, and I’ll post it appropriately as soon as I can.