August 8th, 2010

Check out anytime you like…

For about two months now I’ve been trying to explain something that’s been bothering me about Fanime, but I really can’t find the right words. It makes me very sad to admit this, but it doesn’t feel like home anymore. Instead I feel lost, in transition maybe, surrounded by people I have come to call my own, but ultimately unable to connect, and sometimes unable even to comprehend.

Over the years I’ve made some wonderful friends, and I don’t regret a minute of the time I got to spend with them. One way or the other I plan to see them all again. In between, though, this year felt empty, with long and silent pauses stretching to fill the space, hours of going through the motions without any feeling. I don’t remember cons ever feeling quite so lonely.

I miss really being able to meet people, to sit down and get to know them. I miss making friends that I get to keep, that I still get to talk with sometimes when the weekend is over. Maybe I’ve grown old and serious.

Sic transit gloria mundi, I guess.

I’ve moved to Florida, despite California’s last, harshest attempts to keep me in the state. I like it, for the most part, though in all the rushing around I’ve neglected this site terribly.

I’ll try to catch up. I need to get back into the habit.

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5 comments

  1. RemEskapayde says:

    It’s great to read from you again!!!

    I am sad to see that Fanime is no longer home :( Though I do remember you mentioning similar feelings before, but it’s still unhappy to see, yes?

    Well…hopefully I’m one of those people you want to see again ;P If so, I’d be more then happy to just sit down and talk (though I can be one helluva chatterbox once the anxiety goes away).

    Anyway…

    Glad you’re liking Florida! Hopefully it’ll continue treating you well and hopefully things will start to go uphill and keep that way, yes? :]

  2. RemEskapayde says:

    No, I don’t think so :C though we were both juggling crazy things at the time *head desk*

    Sweet :]

    And I like the new lay-out. Admins got a lil gear by the name–it’s cute! ^^

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